I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
