your parents love me but you hate me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
