how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
