Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
