i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My penis needs a shock collar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
be right there i have to get my cape
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
