woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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