SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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