im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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