This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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