i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
