dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
