Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
