how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
