he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
