I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
