Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
