he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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