You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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