if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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