I hate your face
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This gyro tastes like lonliness
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
