The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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