do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
