we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize