im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
