My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
