i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
