he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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