I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
