the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
