I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
