the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
