great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
is wine microwaveable?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
