Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
