from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
