mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
