sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
