He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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