Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
