Sry I called you an 8
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize