i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
