dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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