I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
