i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
