If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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