He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
