I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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