i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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