Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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