I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize