My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
