I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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