is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
