I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
