Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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