wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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