ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
