Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
