Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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