I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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