the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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