TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
