My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
