fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
