You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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