you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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