So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
