my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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