Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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