How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
