Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
