I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
