You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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