An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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