Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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