Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
