I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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