I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Alive.
So much puke
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
