I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize