My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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