Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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