He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
