my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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