Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
