I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
